I’ve noticed something on LinkedIn (and in the professional realm all together): we don’t’ like talking about the negative stuff. Hey, I get it. It’s a hell of a lot more fun to focus on the positive. The science supports a focus on the positive and the positive effects positivity has on our bodies, minds, and souls. It is more fun to laugh and giggle with each other. Look at our social media accounts. They are filled to the brim with smiles and fun and play. I get it. It IS more fun to focus on the positive.
Except…we are humans. We have a negative side. We feel those negative emotions: anger, sadness, grief, etc. Those feelings are REAL. We experience negative events in our lives. Those experiences are REAL. Why are we so hell bent on avoiding the REALNESS? We’ve been taught for so long that negative emotions should be treated and healed; they need to go away. Negative emotions have purpose though. They keep us safe by allowing us to assess situations and react accordingly. They help us learn from our mistakes which HELLO leads to success. I mean seriously, think about your best lesson in life? It most likely came from a bad ass mistake you made. I know my best successes have come from my best failures, and those failures had some huge anger and sadness that accompanied the experience. There is purpose in our negative emotions, so let’s stop avoiding the conversation about them.
Leaders: hear your team when they come to you with frustrations and grief. Those feelings are real and are likely coming from poor processes, work overload, and fear of the uncertainty in our current overall climate. Stop telling them “Don’t come to me with your problems, come to me with solutions.” Do you have any idea how dismissive and hurtful that is? Stop it! And please, find a mentor or coach so you can express your own frustration and grief. Your team needs you to be healthy too.
Team Members: your fellow colleagues are dealing with a lot these days. I am sure you are as well. Let’s make space for each other to talk about what’s not working on our team or in our workspaces. That chance to talk and vent many times ends up leading to a great solution. Talking through our emotions allows us to get it out of our heads and be creative.
Fellow Humans: please, let us hold space for each other to feel and speak about our negative emotions. There is a lot of uncertainty in the world today. That uncertainty is creating a lot of fear and chaos. This isn’t about letting us spiral or become mired in the negative. It is about helping each other feel valued and be heard. When we have that opportunity to feel and be heard, the opportunities that arise are endless.
There is a positive side to the negative. In this age of disruptive change and transformation, there is a lot of uncertainty. There is also a great deal of opportunity in front of us. Squashing the negative is not helpful and can be very damaging. Let’s hold space for each other so we can feel valued. Let’s talk about what isn’t working so we can find the awesome solution. Let’s help each other BE the whole beings we are that possess positives and negatives. Let’s embrace those negative experiences and learn the hell out of them.
What can I do to help you find that opportunity in the negative?
IMPORTANT: for those of you experiencing severe depression or anxiety, reach out so I can help you find support and resources. I see you. I hear you.
A very insightful article from The Atlantic
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/06/dont-push-away-your-negative-emotions/613180/