I’ve had to chuckle. My post this week focuses on the importance of our words. Strangely, and hilariously, I keep seeing articles, posts, and comments on how “words matter…” I’m not a religious person, but I do love the way the Universe responds to things you start thinking or writing about a certain topic; it starts showing up everywhere.
I started this blog in March to find a way to share the research I’ve been engaged in, on my own and with my research partner, for the last decade. I love hearing from others and gaining new insights on our topic of organizational exit. We’ve researched and written about the themes of organizational exit that include betrayal of trust, emotions in the workplace, resilience, gender roles, bullying, silver linings and more. The main theme that shows up in every experience shared is there was some form of intentional or unintentional betrayal of trust. I want to focus how our words can create an unintentional betrayal of trust.
Words really do matter, folks. Whether said out loud or written down, your words can lift people to new heights or cut like a knife. This matters personally and professionally. In the last week, I’ve experienced the yin and yang of words. I’ve experienced how words lift others when there is a level of trust and respect among team members. The team members can hear each other, listen to feedback and new ideas, and even laugh with each other. I’ve also experienced how words cut like a knife when someone is trying to be as honest as possible. Sometimes the person speaking forgets that the person on the other end of those words isn’t expecting what’s coming. The betrayal or hurt was unintentional. The hurt, though, still cuts deep.
When words are written, you inevitably lose so many of the non-verbal cues that misinterpretation is bound to happen. This is especially true when there is a lack of compassion, respect, kindness, and trust in the culture of the organization, even in home and friendship circles. Many times, our first response is to fire back a message with just as much gusto only adding fuel to the fire. Words matter.
I’ve been in that space where my words hurt others, making them feel betrayed. I’ve said them and written them. I sometimes couldn’t find the right words to say, was under pressure, didn’t have enough information, did not understand how sensitive the words I chose meant to others…and my messages were not received in the manner I sent them. Our words can cause hurt in these cases, but it is not with malice. It truly is unintentional. Words matter.
I’ve mentioned a beloved mentor’s advice before, “…people don’t get up each day intending to be an asshole. Sometimes life happens, and then we respond.” This advice always makes me laugh, but those words are so full of truth. They have stuck with me for over two decades. Our words matter. Our words can help others soar. Our words can diffuse conflict and bring about joy and kindness. Our words can help others find their strength and purpose. Our words can also hurt worse than a knife through the heart. They can make us feel less worthy. They can make us feel like we aren’t heard or valued. Words matter in all situations, personal and professional. Why? Because the feelings and emotions of those who are hurt are carried with them everywhere they go. This is why emotions and feelings need to MATTER in organizations, as much as they do at home. Words matter.
I want to highlight a few things for the listeners (receivers of words and messages). All of us have different communication styles and strengths in types of communication. All of us have sensitivities and soft spots that others do not know about us. Our listening and hearing of other’s words needs to carry compassion, kindness, and respect too because many people do not mean for those words to hurt or make you feel betrayed. They are doing their best to be honest. Senders of messages are just as vulnerable and scared as receivers are sometimes. It takes courage to be truthful. Sometimes that message doesn’t always get sent in the most tactful or understood way. The words can hurt hard, at first. Compassion and kindness in our listening strengthens our relationships, builds trust, and results in growth for both people. Listening is just as important as talking, sometimes more. As listeners, we have a responsibility to be sure we understood the message too.
I’ve seen how words really matter in the last week, personally and professionally. I’ve seen how they’ve unintentionally hurt others, as well as brought joy to others. Our words really, truly do matter. Be honest and compassionate. Be forward and respectful. Be brave and gentle. In the end, your words will lift others, boost their spirit, and make them feel valued. That lift, boost, and value will be returned to you ten-fold when you remember that words matter.
What has someone said to you lately that made you feel heard and valued? Maybe hurt? I’d love to hear from you.