Every week with the work I do, life brings challenges and surprises that are exciting 95% of the time and other times make me want to flip everyone the bird, put my jammies on, and hide out in my fort with a glass of wine (not a bad idea any time now that I think about that, ha). This week had both, most definitely. New clients, new learning and development requests, incredible student work, and of course, several failures on my part. They weren’t huge or intentional but failures still. I hate that! Failures on my part can make others feel like they are not heard or valued. That bothers me deeply.
Failures, even unintentional, can eat at trust between people, and sometimes start a momentum. What’s great though is there is a way to repair that broken trust. Start with these two steps: admit the betrayal (or failure or mistake) took place, and then under no circumstances do you get to tell someone how to feel about that betrayal. My mistakes this week were unintentional, I meant no disrespect or harm to others, but that isn’t how it felt to them. I did both steps, apologized and let those individuals have the space needed to heal in their way. The truth is though, I’m not sure it worked in one case.
And that’s the thing, you can do everything right and never get it right. You have to be ok with that…as a leader, as a colleague, as a teammate, as a follower…as a part of an organization full of humans. Sometimes, you’ll never get it right. There’s a silver lining in not getting it right, though. Giving space to others for healing when we’ve hurt them is compassionate, kind, respectful, and humbling. It makes us take a step back and realize that we can’t be “that” person for everyone. Giving that space makes us realize we can’t heal other’s wounds and past experiences, but the space and respect we give them can help them help themselves, grow confidence, and build their own strengths…healing can happen.
As a leader and a teammate, there are expectations required of me and my job. The tasks must be done and done well, just like you. It’s part of why I go Mach speed and inevitably screw up from time to time. And when I do, I will apologize and be sure to honor your feelings and hurt. It is so important to me that you have that space. I won’t always get it right or do it the way you want me to. I have to be ok with that too because I have to push forward, keep trucking, and get my job done…just like you. But, I want you to know, I do care, more than you might know. It’s why I apologize and why I want you to have that space to feel what you need to feel. The courage and vulnerability for both parties here is astounding and beautiful at the same time, if we honor each other.
We bring a level of compassion and kindness that is most needed in our workplaces today when we remember that the people we work with are humans with experiences and journeys that we can’t even begin to fathom or know. I fully admit that I forget this and mess it up, a lot. I’ve also grown a lot knowing that no matter what I do, it may not be enough for some. Their hurt and past experiences are front and center for them. I can still be kind and do my job that is expected of me. It’s the best thing we can do when we make mistakes.
For those who have been hurt or feel betrayed by others, try to remember that not everyone who hurts you is doing it intentionally (reminder to self here, BTW). All of us have a path that is full of wonder, joy, craziness, hurt, and past experiences that affect how we speak and behave. Mistakes get made and they sure aren’t always done on purpose. Those who build trust and keep relationships in the forefront of the success of the organization will most assuredly acknowledge a betrayal and give you that space to heal, be heard, and feel valued.
Sometimes, not getting it right is a silver lining and full of courage, vulnerability, growth, and a chance to build trust again. That’s what I strive for when I screw up. It’s messy and beautiful all at the same time! I like that.
How do you feel about rebuilding trust when you’ve made a mistake? I’d love to hear from you.